


Mission- Get Dirt On First Years

by glitteryimagay



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Betrayal, Brotp, Gossip, Humor, M/M, Rumors, Sugamama, dadchi, headcanons, like seriously really random, mission impossible idiots, random secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 16:05:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6526855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitteryimagay/pseuds/glitteryimagay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nishinoya and Tanaka are bored when cleaning one day after pratice and decide to get dirt on the first years. Enlisting the help of Suga, they make a sort of competition out of who can find the best dirt. But what is this? Hinata likes shiny objects? Tsukki hums the jurassic park theme? Watch as everyone's dirty laundry gets set out to dry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mission- Get Dirt On First Years

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic is by the other owner of this account, Teshino, the younger sister. Enjoy this fever-inducted insanity she wrote at 1 in the morning!

Practice ended with the screech of Ukai's whistle. The tired murder made their way to their small club room. Most changed happily for they were free to go home and relax. But for one pair that was not the case. For you see poor Tanaka and Noya were left behind to do the dreaded chore that is cleaning the gym.

 

Noya made his way to the gym with a grumpy look on his face. His afternoon had been almost perfect. His precious kouhai Hinata had called him "Senpai" numerous times, his Rolling Thunders had never been so cool, and Kiyoko had actually looked in his general direction; his day was pretty epic but it was all for naught. The evil devil that is the "Chores List" had ruined his perfect day, it also didn't help that he had failed another of his tests but that's besides the point. With a heavy heart the downtrodden teen made his death march to the dreaded cleaning supply shed. His day could not get worse. 

 

But the heavens smiled down upon Noya that day, for his forever bro-love Tanaka had to clean as well. Yes the day was saved in a way but what mischief could these two pranksters get into in the span of an hour? 

 

Noya opened the gym and walked inside, the floor was scratched and dull from the hours long Volleyball practice. Noya dragged himself over to the gym utility room and grabbed some cleaning supplies, with a grimace on his face he began the long torturous process of cleaning the gym floors. Not too long after he began cleaning the gym door was thrown open by none other than Tanaka, who was practically dying of excitement. 

 

"Noya!! Noya!" Tanaka yelled as he rushed over to his best bro. Noya seemed to perk up at his friend's sudden appearance and responded with the same enthusiasm.

 

"Hey! Tanaka! What up bro?!" Noya exclaimed. The taller boy suddenly gained a mischievous look on his face. 

 

"Oh dear bro o mine! Don't you think it's time for us to get some dirt on our lovely Kohais?! We need to have edge over the first years! " Tanaka grinned while cackling evilly. 

 

"We can't let those guys think they're top dog! I agree my brother in arms! We need to know their deepest darkest secrets!!!" Noya soon joined in on the crazed laughter. Tanaka suddenly gained a pensive look.

 

"How do we go about this?" Tanaka looked confused and honestly didn't know where to even start. Noya though had a plan. 

 

"I know! We should ask Suga!" Noya shouted while jumping in the air. 

 

"Yes! That's a good start! Let's go right now and ask!" Tanaka yelled as he turned on his heel and began to run towards the door. Noya suddenly remembered something important and shouted out to his friend.

 

"Dude wait!" Noya yelled rushing up to his friend. Tanaka stopped and looked at Noya with confusion.

 

"What?" Tanaka asked with a look that said he was ready for anything.

 

"We need code names!" Noya exclaimed with a sparkle in his eye.

 

"Gasp! We do! Ok ok I'll be uh Chick magnet! Yeah! And you can be uh Rolling Thunder?" Noya looked at Tanaka with an unreadable expression. 

 

"Bro?" Tanaka said as he walked closer towards his oddly unresponsive friend. Noya whipped his head up and looked at Tanaka.

 

"Rolling Thunder reporting for duty!" He yelled with a grin on his face. "Let's go!" 

 

And with that the self proclaimed Chick magnet and Rolling Thunder made a mad dash to the unsuspecting Mom of the team. 

 

Suga was about to leave the school to go home when Noya and Tanaka practically ran him over. Suga looked at the two second years with absolute confusion. 

 

"Suga! I have a question for you!" Noya yelled while Tanaka nodded furiously behind him. Suga was a loss for words and nodded silently at them.

 

"Would you like to help us with getting some gossip worthy material about the first years?!" Noya asked Suga hopefully. Now in most situations Suga would probably want to stay out of this kind of situation but the possibility of messing with the first years was just too tempting. Suga showed his secret evil side as he smiled evilly.

 

"I would love to help! We could even make a game out of it." Suga said in a sweet voice that was laced with evil intentions. Tanaka and Noya listened with great anticipation. 

 

"Ok so each of us will pick on of the first years." Suga said while nodding to himself. Tanaka was about to agree when he realized something.

 

"Wait that would mean one of the first years would be left out." Tanaka said while Noya shouted in agreement. Suga smiled before answering.

 

"I know that! I'm doing it on purpose. We need a man on the inside don't we?" Suga said with a cutesy smile on his face. 

 

"So who's the inside man gonna be?" Noya asked while looking at the other two conspirators. 

 

"Well it can't be Kageyama, he doesn't look to be the sneaky type." Tanaka said, "Hinata is a no go either cause he's the opposite of subtle." Noya burst out laughing at what Tanaka had said.

 

"You're one to talk! You are the definition of being not subtle!" Noya continued to laugh. Suga cleared his throat gaining the two teens attention. 

 

"I suggest Yamaguchi, he's quiet and no one would suspect him." Suga suggested, Noya and Tanaka shared a silent moment before looking to Suga and nodding in confirmation.

 

"So after we pick a first year besides Yamaguchi we have one week to dig up the most embarrassing secrets we can about them!" Suga explained enthusiastically. 

 

"Also whoever loses has to clean the gym by themselves for two weeks, may the odds be ever in your favor my fine co-conspirators!" Suga then walked down the street, Noya could tell Monday was going to be interesting. 

 

Mission: Get Dirt On First Years or G.D.O.F.Y is a go! 

 

Out of the three first years Noya was stuck with Kageyama. Noya personally wanted his person to be Hinata but Suga had randomly assigned who got what and Noya couldn't help but feel that he was given the short end of the stick. It turns out Kageyama leads a pretty boring life. Noya had tailed him for his school day and all Kageyama did was look lost in all his classes, buy four boxes of milk, and sleep through two of his classes. This was not going to be an easy job. At this rate poor Noya was going to be stuck with cleaning duty for two weeks. 

 

Yu quickly became disheartened by the time lunch had rolled around. Tanaka had found out that Hinata has an obsession with anything cute or cuddly, apparently while on his way to school Hinata had stopped six times to pet random animals on the side of the road. Tanaka also found out that Hinata is afraid of heights, he found this out by asking Yamaguchi who was now an official member of operation G.D.O.F.Y.

 

Suga had found out that Tsukishima has a major Dinosaur obsession and that he likes to dance to the opening song of Jurassic Park, and that he hates Cats and Owls. 

 

Noya was at a loss, not even one day had gone by and he was already in last place. He then became determined to find out Kageyama's most darkest secret and he knows just who to ask...

 

"Uh why is Karasuno’s number 4 here?" Iwaizumi said while staring at Noya in confusion. Oikawa was just as confused. 

 

"I don't know Iwa-Chan, is he lost or something?" The alien obsessed boy asked. 

 

"Oi! Oikawa! I have a question about our favorite antisocial setter!" Noya shouted as he spotted the brown haired captain.

 

"Tobio-Chan?" Oikawa stared at Noya with interest.

 

"Crappykawa! I'm going to practice! Don't be late again!" Iwaizumi said as he walked off.

 

"Iwa-Chan! Wai-fine leave without me. What do you want to know number 4?" Oikawa said eyebrow raised.

 

"Do you know any embarrassing things about Kageyama?" Noya looked at the older teen expectantly.

 

"Actually I don't know much about Tobio-Chan other than his mediocre volleyball skills, but I can tell you this Tobio-Chan likes to sing sappy love songs in the shower. And that's all I'm gonna tell you! Buh-bye!" Oikawa then sprinted off yelling for his dear Iwa-Chan to wait for him.

 

"He sings love songs in the shower? Now this is something I gotta hear for myself!" Noya with renewed vigor ran off to the bus station.

 

"I have the perfect plan too..." Noya cackled evilly as he waited for the next bus to arrive. 

 

Hinata didn't know what to expect when his doorbell rang on a  Tuesday afternoon , but a hyper Noya yelling about a plan had to be on the bottom of the list. 

 

"You want me to what?" Hinata asked in confusion.

 

"I want you to place this recorder near Kageyama's bathroom in his house!" Noya explained, Hinata was even more confused than before. 

 

"Uh Noya-Senpai why do you need me to do that? Can't you do it?" Hinata gave Noya an odd look.

 

"I can't do it! You're the closest with the guy, what reason could I have to enter his house that isn't suspicious?" Noya gave Hinata a look that just screamed "duh".

 

After a bit more talking, Noya had managed to get Hinata to agree to plant the recording device that night and to get it back the next day. At this point Noya didn't care about the contest he just wanted to hear how bad his grumpy Kouhai's singing is. 

 

Wednesday rolls by with Suga getting baby photos of Tsukishima from his brother and Tanaka finding out from Ukai that Hinata has a peculiar obsession with shiny objects. All of these things were great but Noya was convinced if he could get that recording that he would win hands down.

 

Thursday finally rolls in and Hinata gives the recorder back to Noya. With a pep in his step Noya rushes back to his house to upload the data. Not before running into Tanaka who had a smug grin on his face. 

 

"Guess who's gonna win the game!?" Tanaka exclaimed, Noya raised his eyebrow.

 

"Me obviously." Noya confidently stated.

 

"No! I'm gonna win cause I just found out something that if it got out could embarrass Hinata so bad he might explode!" Tanaka shouted waving his arms in emphasize his point. 

 

"Sure you do bro! Haha! Now I'm off to go cause more trouble!" Noya shouted as he continued on his quest.

 

Once at his house Noya uploaded the audio file to his computer and began listening. Boring did not even begin to describe what Noya was feeling. The audio file had hardly any sound, but just as he was about to call it a night he heard the shower go on, and a voice began to sing.

 

 

Oh, his eyes, his eyes make the stars look like they're not shining

His hair, his hair falls perfectly without him trying

He's so beautiful

And I tell him everyday.

 

The voice was that of a singing angel. Noya was I shock, this voice, this amazing singing talent belonged to the same guy who can't even tell a person "nice job" without messing it up. Noya paused the file needing a moment to himself, before he violently shoved his chair back and rushed over to his phone.

 

Message: 

To:#1bro & Team-Mom

From:Noya

Guys! Come to my house asap! I have something you all need to hear!

 

Noya sent the message then ran to his front door and waited like an impatient dog for them to show up. Noya felt like hours had past when it was only a few minutes when both Suga and Tanaka came rushing up his driveway. Noya ran to his front door and threw it open. 

 

"Guys come on! This is crazy!" Noya yelled excitedly as the two teen finally made it into the house. Noya herded Suga and Tanaka into his bedroom where his laptop sat upon a cluttered desk. Sitting in his chair Noya dramatically turned to face his teammates.

 

"What you are about to hear might Vance your life!" Noya dramatically yelled before hitting the play button. Once again Kageyama's smooth voice rung out into the whole room.

 

~Oh, his eyes, his eyes make the stars look like they're not shining

His hair, his hair falls perfectly without him trying

He's so beautiful

And I tell him everyday.

Yeah, I know, I know when I compliment him, he won't believe me

And it's so, it's so sad to think that he doesn't see what I see

But every time he ask me do I look okay?

I say

When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change

'Cause you're amazing

Just the way you are

And when you smile

The whole world stops and stares for a while

'Cause boy, you're amazing

Just the way you are~

 

"Uh that was a nice cover of 'Just the Way You Are' but why is this life changing?" Suga looked worried for Noya's sanity. 

 

"That my fine compadres was our very own resident grumpy person, Kageyama!" Noya shouted in a victorious way. Silence filled the small bedroom, shock was a common feeling felt by the two co-conspirators.

 

"That was Kageyama!?" Tanaka yelled as he fell over in shock. Suga recovered and smiled once more. 

 

"He is such a good singer!" Suga practically radiated happiness and pride that his little son was so awesome. 

 

"Well? Do I win?" Noya asked with a hopeful expression. 

 

"Wait! I haven't gotten to say what I found out about Hinata today!" Tanaka shouted jumping up off the floor.

 

"What did you find out?" Noya asked with interest. Tanaka smiled smugly. 

 

"Your singing Kageyama may be impressive but this!" He pulls out a small black journal,"has to take the cake!" 

 

"Is that what I think it is?" Suga asked in surprise.

 

"Yup! It's Hinata's diary!" Tanaka held the small book up in the air lion king style.

 

"How on earth did you get that bro!?" Noya was in awe of his crazy best friend.

 

"Simple, I stole it from his locker! For some reason he keeps it there..." Tanaka quickly gained a pensive look but shrugged it off.

 

"Did you read it?" Suga asked with great interest. The crazy teen grinned and nodded.

 

"You wouldn't believe what I found out!!!" Tanaka yelled excitedly. "So it turns out our little ray of sunshine has a crush on Kageyama!" 

 

"Uh Tanaka buddy ole pal o mine, that's old news everyone knows that Hinata's got a thing for mr. Grumpy and the Kageyama is head over heels in love with him! Why else would he change the lyrics of that song he was singing!" Noya gave Tanaka a look of utter disappointment. 

 

"Seriously!? You all knew! Dang I was really betting on that." Tanaka pouted while glaring at the floor. 

 

"Well I think that it's clear who the winner is." Suga said looking at both teens. "Noya wins because of the sheer shock factor of the fact! So Tanaka and I have to figure out who lost." Suga went back to thinking while Tanaka mourned his dead plan.

 

Noya felt as though someone was watching him and he whipped his head towards the window to see someone running off. 

 

"That's weird..." Noya continued to look out the window. 

 

"What's weird Noya?" Suga asked as he and Tanaka stopped their heated discussion.

 

"I thought I saw someone running away from my house but nah whatever it probably nothing." Noya shrugged it off as he went back to editing the audio file of Kageyama's singing. 

 

Friday came rolling in on an ominous wind. Noya could tell something sinister had taken place during the night. He walked to the gym a feeling of apprehension threatening to take hold of him. Yes something was definitely wrong.

 

Noya finally made it to the gym only to see Suga fall to his knees and Tanaka to start freaking out yelling. Noya ran up to the gym to see a poster covered in pictures. Not just any pictures but pictures of them, doing embarrassing things.

 

For Tanaka there was a picture of him and a mop that was being held upside down. There was a picture of Kiyoko taped on it and he appeared to be dancing. The other photos were of him living his life with the mop, getting married, buying a house, raising odd mop children, and so on. There was even someone's phone taped to the poster showing a video of Tanaka declaring his love to the mop. He was also singing and dancing. How embarrassing.

 

For Suga there was a picture of him putting on really girly make up, while wearing a frilly dress. There was also other pictures of him in skirts and dresses having what appeared to be tea parties with his little sisters. There was also a picture of these boxes that were under his bed that were filled to the brim with the most girly Shojo Manga one could buy. 

 

And For Noya there was a picture of his most darkest secret, something not even his parents knew he had. It was a picture of his sacred Asahi shrine. It was a shrine covered in pictures of the third year ace, there was also a few headbands, hair ties, and even a pair of gym shorts that obviously belonged to the gentle giant. But that was not the only picture, no there was more. There was also a picture of him failing to swim in his aunt's pool, he remembered her taking pictures but how did they get here. There was also a picture of him cuddling his favorite dolphin floaty, Mr. Snuggles. And lastly there was a photo of him trying on children's sneakers and then buying them. Noya was officially ruined.

 

A laugh sounded out from Noya's right he turned his head to see Daichi walking out from behind a tree, a smug smile on his face.

 

"I believe that I am the winner of this little game, don't cha think? Eh Suga?" Daichi said while smirking. Suga deflated and nodded in defeat.

 

"Yeah I'd say you won." Suga said half-heartedly. Daichi's smirk only grew larger.

 

"Oh but I didn't do it alone, oh no I didn't. I had a lot of help. Why don't I tell you the tale of how this poster came to be?" 

 

*Flashback no Jutsu*

 

Daichi was walking home with Suga. Practice had been tough and he was looking forward to cuddling with Suga on his couch. He smiled as his kind Grey-Haired boyfriend held his hand and leaned into him. The silence was comforting to the couple of three years and nothing could ruin this moment, nothing but Suga looking up at him with puppy dog eyes and begging him to go buy him a drink. Being the amazing boyfriend that he is Daichi agreed and went off to go get his beloved a drink. 

 

Daichi was about to run over to Suga when he saw that he was having a heated conversation with Noya and Tanaka. Instead of walking up to them Daichi hid in a bush close enough that he could hear them. Hearing their plans Daichi decided that he would take matters into his own hands. 

 

The first thing he did was run back to the club room to see if any of the first years were still there. He threw open the door to see Kageyama and Hinata viciously making out on one of the benches. Clearing his throat the two teen jumped away from each other, blushing furiously. Hinata tried to make up some bogus story about "checking Kageyama's teeth" but Daichi honestly didn't care. He was happy for the two idiots. 

 

Daichi told them of the trio's plan. Hinata agreed to play along, while Kageyama requested that he should be allowed to get dirt on them as well. And thus the great revenge plan had started to form all Daichi needed now was to convince Asahi to help him, and get the other second years on his side. 

 

The next day Daichi called both Tsukishima and Yamaguchi telling them about the plan. Tsukishima agreed to play look out and Yamaguchi agreed to be a double agent. Over the weekend Daichi had gotten Ennoshita and the other second years to play decoy, basically they would create distractions and give the other members alibis when the trio got suspicious. And lastly Asahi was told to tail the trio and take pictures of everything they do. But this job proved to be too much for one guy so. Kageyama and Tsukishima each tailed one of the trio. Kageyama tailed Noya, Asahi tailed Tanaka, and Tsukishima tailed Suga. The plan was going perfect.

 

Well almost perfect, while Daichi was watching Tv on a Tuesday afternoon a frantic Hinata called yelling about how Noya had asked him to put a recorder in Kageyama's house. Interested, Daichi called Kageyama and asked if it was ok if they put the recorder in his house. Surprisingly Kageyama was ok with it and even offered to sing directly into it. Daichi told him no that wouldn't be necessary.

 

The week flew by all the team members were hard at work getting dirt on one another. Thursday rolled in and Daichi decided to make a poster out of all the pictures he had gotten. Hinata was more than happy to offer up his arts and crafts expertise. Once the masterpiece was finished Daichi went back to the school where he taped up the poster. Friday was going to be interesting.

 

*End of Flashback no Jutsu* 

 

The trio stared at their captain in shock. His plan was so much more complicated than theirs. 

 

"And that's how this poster came to be." Daichi nodded, suddenly the door of the gym was thrown open; out strutted the rest of the team each holding a cleaning supply of sorts. 

 

"Since you all lost you are now on cleaning duty! You might as well start now!" Hinata chirped from where he was standing next to Kageyama, who was holding onto him.

 

"Give them the supplies boys!" A new voice barked from the doorway. The trio looked over to see Ukai standing in the doorway smug smile on his face.

 

"Coach?" Noya asked in confusion, "You knew?" Tanaka jumped back in surprise.

 

Letting out a chuckle Ukai said "Knew? No I was apart of this too, I was the one who got those pictures from your Aunt Noya, she's a regular at my store. Now let's hop to it boys! The gym isn't gonna clean itself." Ukai said as he threw a mop at Tanaka. 

 

"I hear you're good with a mop Tanaka! So let's get your butts in gear." Ukai turned away and walked off, a stunned trio in his face. You know what they say you mess with a crow then the whole Murder strikes back ten fold.

 


End file.
